


Fight the Tide (Until the Day We Die)

by WednesdaysDaughter



Series: Come Towards the Stars [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Destroy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Healing, Reunions, Shepard Survives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 03:32:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11592054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WednesdaysDaughter/pseuds/WednesdaysDaughter
Summary: “You must turn around Shepard; not your time. Not yet: Too soon.”With the pounding of waves on the sand come the memories, each one more painful than the last. Dana’s eyes clench shut as she’s thrust back into the war, but she does not linger there. Her job is done; she stopped the Reapers.“It’s over Mordin – I’ve completed my mission.”“True, the Reapers are gone, but there is so much to do. Rebuild, teach, explore: Be better than before Shepard.”





	Fight the Tide (Until the Day We Die)

**Author's Note:**

> I just finished my first Mass Effect Trilogy play though and I stood in my room and cried in a bath towel afterwards. Like big hiccuping sobs. I've had my share of OCs, but Dana Shepard is hands-down my favorite. I can't wait to write fic after fic about her journey. 
> 
> I hope you'll love her as much as I do.
> 
> Title of fic & series from BANNERS' "Ghost"

The beach is empty.

Clouds in the distance hold steady over the setting sun casting long shadows across the sand that melt into Dana’s. Hues of purple mix with vibrant reds in the vast sky above and if she looks carefully her eyes find their matching color towards the horizon where sky and ocean met. Waves slide up to meet her legs; bare from the knees down and it strikes her as odd for a second before her concern is carried out to sea.

The sense of urgency she felt moments ago flees her body with the gentle breeze and Dana allows herself to be guided down the shore. A pink conch catches her eye and she suddenly has a dozen shells gathered in the folds of her skirt which she clutches tightly.

Something pulses in the back of her mind like a beacon, but she does not speak its language so she ignores it and continues down the endless stretch of sand. A familiar melody finds its way to her lips and Dana hums absently until she sees a figure in the distance.

As it comes closer, something in Dana shifts.

It is not like the violence of a gut-punch or the swiftness of a light switch, but rather it settles into her mind like a blanket pulled over a shivering child. She knows those colors, she knows that smile and Dana remembers his voice before he opens his mouth to speak.

“Mordin,” she beats him to it.

“Shepard,” his tone is calm and even in a way he never was in life. It lacks the urgency that came with a short life and big dreams.

He is at peace.

“You must turn around Shepard; not your time. Not yet: Too soon.”

With the pounding of waves on the sand come the memories, each one more painful than the last. Dana’s eyes clench shut as she’s thrust back into the war, but she does not linger there. Her job is done; she stopped the Reapers.

“It’s over Mordin – I’ve completed my mission.”

“True, the Reapers are gone, but there is so much to do. Rebuild, teach, explore: Be better than before Shepard.”

Dana shakes her head but Mordin’s hand on hers pulls her swiftly back into the moment. The sun has sunken below the horizon; streaks of magenta and violet cross the dark sky like flares. He takes the conch from her hand and steps back before Dana can take it back.

“You must go. There are others; perhaps they can convince you. Come back when you are ready Shepard. I will be here.”

Dana tries to ask him what he means, but the ocean is gone and dirt from a wild forest tickles her still-bare feet. She whips around; panic beginning to take hold until a voice stops her.

“Easy there Commander. You’ll get dizzy thrashing around like that.”

Frozen, Dana watches as another ghost comes to stand in front of her with a smile she’d only seen in recent nightmares.

“Ashley,” Dana whispers before reaching out slowly to see if she was real. Like on the beach, her hands meet warm flesh and it startles fresh tears from Dana’s lilac eyes. They warm her cheeks and Ashley does not comment on them, settling instead with legs apart and shoulders straight as her hands clasp behind her back.

“I figure since I’m dead I don’t need to stand at attention,” she teases and Dana’s surprised to find she can still laugh.

“That’s fair enough I suppose,” she replies while hastily wiping at her damp face.

Ashley’s eyes soften and she falls out of pose when she notices the dark circles under Dana’s eyes. A scowl settles on her lips in time with her crossed arms and she wastes no time in picking up where Mordin left off.

“Why are you here?”

A bird flitters from tree to tree on the outcrop above them. Dana takes in the large gray boulders and the smell of fresh growth beneath her feet. Her third time on Eden Prime and no one is shooting at her… yet.

“The op’s over Williams. The Reapers are destroyed and I…” Dana begins, but Ashley cuts her off.

“That’s bullshit and you know it Commander.”

Death has not softened her edges and the nostalgia of the moment threatens to choke Dana. She struggles to build the momentum needed to take Ashley down, but the feeling in the back of her mind; a swift tug; stops her. Ashley smirks at her hesitation and glances upwards as if in death, God is still upstairs looking down.

“Look Shepard, I died: Hands-down, no questions about it, died. I don’t regret a single second spent in your command and I’d do it again if I could. But you,” Ashley pauses to collect her thoughts, “you can’t be dead.”

“I’m pretty sure second time’s the charm Ash,” Dana murmurs more to herself.

“And I think you’re wrong. Death’s too afraid to take you Shepard – Life isn’t done with you yet.”

Dana lets Ashley take both of her hands in hers and they stare at the contrasting colors of their skin until Ashley sighs and breaks away into a salute.

“You’ve never been one to go without all the facts. Hear them out Commander.”

 

\- - - - - - - - - -

 

Dana finds herself back on the Normandy as if it were any other day. The familiar hum of her synchronized systems lulls Dana into an almost sleep which is broken by a soft cough to her right. She doesn’t have to open her eyes to know who it is.

“Thane,” her voice is warm and his reply is just as kind.

“Shepard, I see you’ve followed sooner than expected.”

He sounds disappointed and it hurts though Dana’s face does not show it. The gown she’s been wearing is no longer a soft white, but singed a dark gray and there are specks along her torso she suspects is blood: Her blood.

She briefly longs for a mirror, but Thane’s eyes reflect more than she is willing to accept. Dana looks away into the Cargo Bay where she half expects to see Vega and Cortez, but the relief she feels when it remains empty nearly brings her to her knees.

“You are the only one Shepard: The others made it safely.”

“Thank you.” Dana isn’t sure who she’s thanking, but it doesn’t matter. Nonetheless her sentiment is heard and Dana spares a brief thought of spirits and goddesses before Thane settles next to her. They sit on the desk in silence until Dana speaks.

“I don’t know what you want from me.”

“Not this Shepard. While death is inevitable you have made it your mission to defy it as long as possible.”

“Maybe I failed this mission,” Dana shots back sharply, but Thane does not take offense.

“Maybe it is not over.”

Dana wants to laugh at his persistence and she manages a weak sigh before resting her head on Thane’s shoulder. The silence grows until Dana is uncomfortably aware she cannot feel the familiar beat of her heart. Suddenly she cannot breathe and Dana stumbles from the table when a lance of heat shoots through her head.

“Ah!” she cries out and buckles beneath the pain.

Blood drips from her nose and Thane is there to help Dana to her feet. His eyes trace the cut beneath her eye and they notice the burns along her arms at the same time.

“Death isn’t supposed to hurt,” Dana’s tone speaks to cold memories that threaten to spill into her latest dream. Thane grasps her shoulder firmly and wills his words to comfort the turmoil burning in her soul.

“There are still those who wish to see you. Once more go with my prayers Shepard; allow yourself this.”

Dana wants to scream but her voice is stolen when she sees the vast mountains of Rannoch spread beneath her. A brief second is spent wondering what would happen if she stepped off the cliff, but someone reads her mind.

“We would advise against it. You would simply end up back here Shepard Commander and this time should not be wasted.”

“Legion,” Dana gasps, “how?”

Legion cocks his head and looks towards the bright sun motionless in the golden sky. “The answer to our question has been answered. Creator-Tali'Zorah said it was so – this unit has a soul. This soul is here to guide you.”

There are a million questions running through Dana’s head, but none of them seem relevant when her own belief stands proven. Legion looks the same as the day he died and Dana realizes that must mean she is slowly deteriorating into the battle-torn soldier that limped through the Citadel.

The wind whips up the rocky ledge and nearly knocks Dana to the ground. Legion steadies her without complaint and resumes his vigilant watch of the land before them.

“What should I do Legion?” Dana finally asks when the sun has reached its zenith in the sky.

“What do you want to do Shepard Commander?”

“I don’t think it’s that simple anymore… maybe it never was.”

The weight of her life settles on Dana’s shoulders and her nose begins to bleed again. With shaky hands she tries to stem the flow beneath Legion’s weighty stare. It quickly stops, but the pounding in her head has grown too loud to ignore.

Something in her is fighting against the harmony of this place and Dana doesn’t want to fight anymore.

“I’m tired Legion,” she confesses in a shallow breath.

“You can rest when you are dead Shepard Commander: A sentiment you expressed multiple times in the course of our time together. However, we would advise against it right now as you are needed elsewhere.”

“I always am,” Dana doesn’t hide the bitterness in her voice and Legion clasps his hand around her wrist tightly.

“We do not want to send you away, but we chose this: You did not. Go rebuild Shepard Commander. Go live.”

 

\- - - - - - - - - -

 

‘ _You wouldn’t be so nice if you knew I killed your people_ ,’ Dana nearly says as a blinding red light knocks her from Legion’s side and onto the cold Citadel floor.

“You don’t actually know that they’re dead Shepard: I wouldn’t count them out just yet.”

Dana crawls to Anderson’s side and he helps prop her up next to him. A rib has punctured her lungs and she can feel the unsteady electric discharges from implants pushing their limits to keep her alive. Miranda rebuilt her well.

‘ _Not well enough_ ,” she thinks absently underneath the starry sky.

“You haven’t quit on me before don’t you start now soldier,” Anderson commands. His voice triggers years of military service deep inside of Dana and her spine straightens against her will, putting pressure on her internal injuries.

She coughs and finds fresh crimson on her palms.

She’s running out of time.

“You have to decide Shepard. Right here, right now – decide if you want to live.”

Saliva and blood fills her mouth until she nearly chokes on the mixture of words she cannot say. Of course she wants to live, but whether or not she _should_ live is a different matter. She’s seen so much death and Dana cannot comprehend the enormity of this decision while her body decays under several layers of London rubble.

“Shepard have you even stopped to ask yourself why you’re here? Sure, our time has come and passed and I’m at peace with that. You’re the only one who’s still fighting.”

The breath rushes from Dana’s lungs sharply and she can move again.

“Maybe you came to us in the hopes that we could answer that question for you, but we can’t.”

Anderson’s eyes bore into Dana’s and he reaches out to brush away a stray tear she hadn’t felt racing down her cheek. A smile blooms across his wrinkled face just as meteor flashes brightly across the darkness.

“No matter your answer I’ll be proud of you, but something in my gut tells me this will be the last time we see each other for a long time.”

Dana’s vision blurs and frantically she reaches out to Anderson. She grasps at air, but his voice follows her back to the beach.

“Take care of yourself Dana.”

\- - - - - - - - - -

Mordin is waiting for her.

Dana is ready.

There is nothing more to say, but a different fear tugs at Dana’s skirt until she’s turning to Mordin for guidance once more.

“You have faced much scarier things Shepard; it will be okay. See you again, but not too soon I hope.”

Dana nods firmly and turns towards the endless blue beaconing her towards it depths.

‘ _Seems counterintuitive_ ,’ Dana muses and Mordin chuffs behind her, but she does not turn back: If she does Dana might never leave and she’s ready to go back.

Back to Tali’s outrageous laugh when she’s drunk and Kaiden’s surprisingly delicious cooking; back to Joker’s witticisms in the middle of an escape and Cortez’ passion for flight itself. Samara’s code that was similar to Dana’s own and Miranda’s dedication that sometimes made Dana look like a slacker; James’ no-holds-barred combat technique that’d see him to N-7 status before reconstruction began and Jacob’s values he’d pass onto a child lucky to be born to amazing parents.

She’s halfway submerged when she begins to weep unabashedly when the pain hits without remorse. It nearly undoes her resolve; nearly makes her turn back to the safety of the shore, but she can see Grunt’s face beaming with pride as he stood over the corpse of a Thresher Maw and Wrex’s laugh when he hit the last bottle off her bar during shore leave helps numb the pain. EDI reminding her to feed her fish when they were fighting the Collectors and Javik’s hard-earned loyalty and dare she say, admiration made this battle worth it.

The water is cold against her shoulders, but her feet can still touch the sandy bottom when the taste of Chakwas’ brandy overwhelms her senses and warms her blood as if she’d just taken a sip. Saltwater stings her eyes and when they slide shut she’s back in that secret place with Liara and their shared smiles say a thousand words that mouths could never form.

“Move your ass Shepard!” Jack shouts as Cerberus tries to take her students and it’s loud enough to spur Dana into action. When she takes a last breath before the waves pull her swiftly down all Dana can see is Garrus’ face when he said ‘I love you’ the last time.

He’s in her bed and by her side and he’s there in the water with her; willing her to come back alive. He gave her an order and a good soldier obeys.

“That’s my girl” he says and everything goes black.

 

\- - - - - - - - - -

 

The room is not empty.

Wild flowers from planets she’d never been to litter every usable surface and there are children’s drawings on the walls. An all-around Turian bad boy, codenamed Archangel, slept soundly in the chair next to her bed and Dana had it on good authority he killed Reapers on the side.

The memory brought fresh tears to her eyes and even if she could move she wouldn’t brush them away. They were reminders that she was alive: As if there had ever really been a choice. Dana lets her eyes slide close and the pain meds take her under once more and there are no nightmares this time. They’ll be back; but like everything else in her life they come in waves and right now she is safe and the tide is low.

Two days later when she opens her eyes again Garrus will be awake and their eyes will meet as if for the first time and last time all in one. She will sob and Garrus’ subharmonics will fill the quiet spaces grief had almost crept into. They will cling to each other and her room will fill with family before the doctor even has a chance to see his patient.

“They’re okay,” Dana says quietly that night after everyone save Garrus was kicked out of her room. The excitement had been too much for Dana to handle and Miranda had nearly thrown everyone out a window: Literally.

Garrus looks at her in question, cocking his head towards the door where they can hear Grunt and James camping out. It was after Dana assured the medical staff that she wanted them nearby that they were allowed to stay, though the nurses still give them a wide berth.

“Mordin and the others: Ash, Thane… even Legion. Part of me wanted to stay, but they helped convince me to come home.”

Garrus understands and hums gently before pressing his forehead against Dana’s, causing her heart to swell sweetly in her chest.

“I am glad on both accounts. We’ll make the most of this time Shepard, I promise. Then, we’ll hit the bar and throw one hell of a party.”

Dana leans into his touch and the smell of the sea fills her nose until her smile is wide and genuine.

“No rush Garrus, we’ve got all the time in the universe left: They can wait.”

**Author's Note:**

> I worked so hard to make sure we survived.
> 
> All the war assets, all the loyalty missions, everything from day one was to ensure Dana and her crew would survive the Reaper War. I'm still crying about my play through and I'm usually the kind of person who can start another one right after, but there's no way I can give my heart & soul to another Shepard so quickly. I'm going to keep Dana alive in fic for a while and maybe hide in Andromeda for a bit (just finished my 2nd play through recently)
> 
> I've already started my second fic in this series and will probably have it up tomorrow. I'm not much of a 'writing in order' person either - but I'll post a chronological guide in the series notes as I post more.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. Mass Effect is a household game here. My siblings all played it and my dad played it religiously. I've lost count how many hours I watched him. Since his death Mass Effect has been one of the things to keep him close by. I even met Jennifer Hale last year at Indy Con and she hugged me tight and said my dad would be proud of me. I cried. This game has given me something incredible; I'll never fully be able to explain it, but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.
> 
> Also, if anyone's curious here's what Dana looks like: http://sweetambiguity.tumblr.com/tagged/Dana+Shepard


End file.
